Yoz Yoz..Blogging since I'm quite bored and my medicine haven't take the effect..

Well..Saw a comment which says I'm dumb..Kaoz..Please lor..I'm not dumb,ok? I'm just really in love with my ex back then..When you truely love someone,you will tend to be soft hearted for that person even though you know he's bad to you..In a relationship if you calculate so much, end up the most miserable is you only lor..

What can I say? This blog is for my own reading only..Others want to see or don't want to see, you think I care? Lol..Honestly, I don't lor..I blogged cuz I want to remind myself how silly am I in making mistake..To remind myself not to repeat the same mistake lor..

From these few days, I can say I'm ready to put him down already..I won't cry over him, I won't think too much of his stuffs..I got no comment for his things and neither would I have any words to describe him..I can just say YA..It's really over this time..

I'll make myself stronger in mindset..I shall prove him that I can live even better than him..I mean it's true mah..Right now, I have so many friends to accompany me..I don't feel lonely lor..haha..Thanks a lot to Chin Fei, Ser How, Shu Ting, Crazy Star(LUVED), Julien..haha..There's lots of things I wanna blog but then I'm tired now..Tomorrow then continue ba..haha..

Oh ya..I have set a few goals..No. 1 is go get driving license!! No. 2 is to buy car..lol..No. 3 is to go to University!!!

By the way, think going to revamp my room soon..maybe this sunday or next ba? See who wants to accompany me to ikea to give me advices and help me carry things back to my house..Lol..

Frenz? I thought frenz are there to help? But actually,i'm wrong..Those u think will help and be there for you when you needed them..Normally not there for you..sob..that's sad..

Where are all my bffs,when I needed them? I dunno..Thought they would help but end up?? Please just let me off..I don't want to suffer anymore..

In this period of time,who actually treats me good..I'm really aware and really appreciated it..

To that person,thanks a lot for hurting me so bad again..u made my heart died twice..never will I let you hurt me anymore..we're through..I'm just so stupid to heartache you..so stupid to love you..from the moment u deleted my text in front of me..and didn't care about my injured legs..u just walk your way..we're through..so goodbye..never will I want to you back again..

我好心疼你啊! ( I'm so heartache because of you! )

Why suddenly so many things happened? Why you always let me worry you? I know I shouldn't le..but I can't help myself..

See you like that but I can't do anything to help..The feeling is so terrible..For now, there's really nothing I can do,I wish I could..but..whatever I want to do ar..end up will be wrong de..I don't add in more burden le..

You say I didn't contact you..is because I know you'll be busy so I dun wan to disturb you..then u think I have changed..then what you want me to do?? Everything is so contradicting..if I do, also wrong..if I never do,also wrong..haiz..really made me very tired le..Tired until I lost all my mood le..until I just don't wish weekend would come..I just wish that everyday I have to work only..got money and no need to let me think other stuffs,isn't it great?

What I can do now, is to hope and pray that everything will be alright soon..Please do take care of him..I just wish that I will soon see a happy and smiling him..not the stressful n tired him..I really don't know why I love him so much..until got 2 of my frenz say wah..didn't know that I.'m so in love with him..Neither did I know why I will like that..My dear Nicole told me that I'll have 2 important guys in my life..maybe he's one of them..but I don't think so lar..we're now just friends..maybe soon we also might not be friends anymore..that's just so sad..maybe it's the fate want us to become like that..I shall all leave it to fate ba..

It's me again..well..blogging because I couldn't sleep..

Today,I thought I could be happy because I've know the answer which has been bothering me for a long time..

I always ask myself, why is he with me??I dun have the looks nor the figure..why would he want me?? We have talked abit yesterday..Yes,I know I said that I wanna leave him but I didn't..I really don't know why?maybe it's because I still have a lot of things to talk to him? A lot of doubts, a lot of why? I want to clear all these before I could want to end everything.

Anyway,I asked him why will he be with me at that time? He said because he got feelings for me..I didn't believe at 1st..Because I told him that he never said he love me,never missed me..He said he did said he missed me..I tried to deny but he did..He remembered what he said to me..Then I ask him but why me??Did he really like me before? His answer was 'if I never like you,how will I have feeling for you?how will be together?' all these shuts me up..I believe him..I really do and I'm happy to hear that..but will it be too late for everything?

I really dunno why am I still concerning about his things..why I still help him with the things he wants to do??I just couldn't stop all these..I feel so lousy..

I really wish I could forget him..We've recalled how we met?how we know each other..To think that we could still laugh about it..It's really nice to have his accompany..I don't know why..I like it when we were reading magazine together..when I told him about my shopping and he will say 'you still dare to tell me ar?ask u to save money already,dun anyhow spend money..dun waste money mah'..like it when he nags at me like that..but of cause lar..when I'm unhappy then I'll have the urge to go shopping to buy myself things to reward myself or pamper myself,to love myself mah...silly,if I'm happy and got someone like you to nag on me..do you think I'll still spend money like nobody's business??I like it when we talk about cars..I like when he put out his hands to let me hold..I like to hold his hands while walking..Although he told me before he don't like to hold hands..I like it when he look at me and I'll ask him why he look at me..I like it when he smiles with his eyes becoming so tiny...I like it when he's speaking in his language which his pronunciation doesn't sounds right to me but I understand what he meant..That's very cute..I simply like his everything..Many a times,we would wear about the same clothes but it's always me end up choosing something else so we won't be wearing about the same..that really makes me amused and surprised..Haha..I also dunno why..

I'm glad that he have never lied to me..Maybe he did..but up till now..i dun see or trace any of them..because when he choose not to say,I won't force him and I choose not to know the answer..Call me a coward because I'm afraid to know the truth..

Ytd,we managed to read magazine together,accompany him for dinner again at mac again (twice) maybe it's the last time..cuz our 1st time to eat..it's also in mac..it's just like the 1st time..he have his mac spicy meal and I have my iced chocolate..he'll eat his burger and leave out the sesame (but why?I know the answer and I find it funny lor..but I like sesame..Lol..) and he'll ask me to eat the fries but I told him I'm on diet..then I'll continue drinking my iced chocolate while watching him eat and read my magazine which I enjoy doing so to accompany him..after he finish his food then we read the magazine together,discussing some topics inside the magazine n meanwhile he's busying with his phone and my phone..spot check my phone..Hmmps..

After that,we left for another place..a place that he promise to bring me go and he did..we just sat down on a bench and didn't talk much..but I just love it..enjoying the breeze..Actually we wanted to walk over to somewhere but he scare that I couldn't take as I was wearing heels..but I told him it's ok..but he just don't want to let me walk..

After a short while, we left the place and when we are about to stand and leave the bench,I told him I don't want unless..he knows what I meant without me to finish my line..he've already put out his hand for me to hold..This is what I really like..He's always able to know what I have on my mind,which I don't have to say much..Then of course I passed him my hand and we just kept holding our hands n swinging it while walking back to his car,just like those small children walking..it's really cute and it's like the 1st time he wants to hold my hand..I really wish that the path could be longer..

Back to his car,I went in first while he's making calls..I just love watching him getting busy,making phone calls looking serious..Lol..And he still remember that I'm waiting for him inside the car..so he say 'u wait for me in the car,ok?I switch on the aircon for you..' I know it's normal but I just feel that it's just so sweet..Then after he finish his call,he came back and he told me something which he's happy to know and I'm also happy for him too..He's forever busy with all the texts and calls but I have never angry with him,maybe because he's with me..But when he's not with me and he doesn't reply my texts then I'll be pissed and angry with him,I also dunno why?

Actually,just let me have the time to be with him,i'll be happy..Just let me laid on his chest while he's talking..it's enough..it's just so comfortable that I wish that was forever..I would just wanna hug him like this and sleep like that forever..listening to his voice quietly while waiting for him to finish his call..

After that,we left the place and he drop me somewhere and rush off to another place..Although,he didn't send me home..i'm still happy that I have this day with me..

Although he say this will not be the last time we can meet up,but I think it will be..as to wait for this day to come,I don't know how long have I waited for it to come and will it still come, I totally have no idea?
But why all these came so late, why does all these came after our breakup? Why is he so cruel? Why he wants to let me feel that we're back together when we're not? It hurts,you know? But why do I still get hurt by him again when I know the answer very well myself? Why am I still willing to let him hurt me?? I just know that I couldn't bear to see him stressed up,tired or unhappy..I couldn't force myself to don't care about this man..I want him to be happy although his happiness will be constructed on my happiness..I know I'm willing to do so for him..as long as he's happy..

Although,we won't be able to admit our relationship nor will I have the chance for him to introduce me as his gf or me introducing him as my bf..we might not or will not be together again..but I just wish to see him leading a happy life..

A lot of ppl might see him as a bad person..but that's maybe just his appearance..deep inside who knows what trouble or problem is he facing?what are his desires?what are his fears? Although I might not know a lot but I can feel..I'm actually contented to be his listening ear for now..I'll be able to hear his words from his heart..I don't know how long can this last? but I do know that this would be the last and only relationship we could be for now and it's either we can get back or we'll end up hating each other once this relationship is broken..

I shall not think so much neither do I dare to think much..Because If he's meant to be mine,he'll be mine..no point of trying so hard to make him come back to me..This is what I've heard from friends whom are concerning me..Well...I've thought through it seriously and believe in it too..'What meant to be yours,no matter wha, it will still come back to you and be yours..but what not meant to be yours,no matter how hard you tried,it will not be yours..' I choose to remain to be myself..I don't want to suppress my feeling for him..but I won't let him know..

For now,I know I still want to care for him..Until the day that I choose not to care for him,it shall be the day that I'm really going to leave him and there will be no point of return..So I really cherish what I'm having now..Be it just him..but also with my life,my family,my friends and etc.

Hai...Jia Lat leh...I'm still stuck..I can't forget him lar..How to??

That's so difficult..Can somebody teach me how? I don't want to leave him..

I know I will not be happy..I know it's difficult to have his heart..

But why am I so silly..

I'm still waiting..I still want him...

Arrgghh...Somebody please wake me up..Why everything also can remind me of him? Like that how to forget this person?

I'm a failure..haiz...Only managed to hold on for 4 days? I guess..

It's my day 1 without texting him..I really don't have the urge to text him le..Becuz I dunno what to text him..

From the day that he didn't reply my last text, I'm lost of words..sad,isn't it?? Well..anyway,it seems that the problem we're facing have come to an end..which I'm glad to know that..Therefore,I can finally get out of his life with no more worries for him..

What I can do now is to wish him to stay happy always..I won't be able to know how's he doing..although,i can ask others about him..but I dun wan anymore rumours to start again..so I have to be harsh for not concerning him anymore..

To him : Please take good care of yourself..don't always drink cold drinks..it's not good for your cough.. Don't stay up too late or overtired or stress yourself.. Although I promised that i'll be there for you when you need me..but I'm afraid I couldn't do so anymore..it's not that I don't want to..but what are we?I shouldn't be the one to do so..I'm also a girl..I also hoped to be cherished by you..sob..hope to be loved by you..hope to be missed by you..But when did all these happened? It didn't,you know? Do you know how hurting it is to hear you saying how good you were with your past gf(s)?? Why do you want me to hear them? Why do you want to remind me how silly i'm? Why do you want to make me compare these? it appeared to me that I'm super easily contented and super silly!! Why do you want to mention all these when we've already broke up??Don't you know it's very cruel of you to do this to me?? Do you think I won't get hurt? Do you think I won't heartache? Do you know because to protect you,I've hide our relationship from my friends? Do you know the feeling of this is totally miserable? I'm really guilty to bluff my friends.. When others oppose us to be together,I stayed firm in my stand and believed in you..I didn't care how and what others said about you to me..be it how bad you are..how's your patterns..I've never take their words..because I know I really love you and I don't care if they are real..I just know that I want to be with you and I need you..That's why I gave my heart and soul to you..but end up what did I get?? Nothing..Totally nothing just only memories..and endless of waiting for the tml which never comes..You don't love me, you don't even treasure me.. Don't tell that you know I'll helped you because we're together before..but please..Don't you think we considered to be together before?? To be frank,I don't think so..As you never put me in a place of your heart..You have never loved me before..You never say the three words that I need from you for once..You've took it for granted that I'll be devoted to you..you've never thought I would leave you one day..but yes, you were right..up till now..i still want to care for you..but the care won't be like last time..and sorry to say I'm leaving you for good..Actually,don't be too confident in yourself..because I also have my own tolerance..so you just take good care..I shall move on to a new life.. To a life without you, which may be a little lonely but I believe it will be a happier life..at least I won't be living in the miserable life everyday?

So..yuppie..to all my friends,I declare myself as single and available again!! Let's go out to party!! Shopping,chilling,drinking..Lol..I'll be in night shift in November too..although abit Sianz..but it's boss order so no choice..meaning more late night shopping and night activities..u know what I'm saying,ya? Pick up your phone and give me a ring and I'll be there..Lol. :p.

Well..today,i've really decided to leave 'him'..thanks huixin to wake me up from my dream..

I've put too much hope and trust on 'him'..thought he've changed..thought he would cherish me more.."treat me better, no matter what we are"..as said by 'him'..I really thought he did it..yeah..he did it, he was sweet and nice for the 1st few days..subsequently he's back to normal again..this time,we never say we're back together but the feeling is we're back together..I dun wish to ask..I dun wan to force 'him' or pressurized 'him'...haiz..

Our story have dragged for almost half a year already..can I just say time flies super fast?I dun wish to carry on..it's heartache for me to leave..but I know all along I'm the only one putting my heart in this relationship..why should I make myself so miserable?? How many chances have I soft hearten for him? How many times did he made me cry? How many times did he say tml?

It's like how many tml should I wait?I dun like waiting..but for him..I've waited for so many times..There's so many things I wished to blog but I wish to protect him therefore I won't disclose who is he..it's actually a story which belongs to the two of us..that's why I dun wish to have others to kpo abt it..I don't wish to hear anymore linkage between me and him..I just wish he would be happy, safe and healthy..that's what I pray for..meanwhile,I don't think I will be in a relationship so soon..I've really got hurt badly and need a long time to recover from it..Please do not bad mouth about him or what..as he will always be in my heart n he'll be a story kept deep inside my heart..

It's time to say goodbye to my love..thanks for giving the memories..u let me know how silly I can be for you..how much I wanted to depend on you..I'll miss your hugs and kisses..bye..I wish that I could help you to release your stress..but I know I'm not the one.. You're just too bored that's why u will text me in this way..that's lots of things regarding you,I choose not to know,not to accept the fact but the fact is I know what's going on...it's just that I choose to trust you,choose to ignore what other says..but come to the end,u're still doubting my love for you and u treat me so randomly which will drive me crazy,you know?I don't wish to let my mood being affected by you..I want to get back the control which I used to have in my life before I met love..

Love is a strange and funny thing..when you wish to have,dying to have..u'll be worry when will it come..but when you're in it, you feel happy,sad,etc. When you're getting out of it??you'll only feel pain and hurt..For me, now I'm feeling the pain..but what can I do?? To cure it,I must say goodbye to 'him' and try to adapt my new life..so wish me luck,ok??